Stupid Girl

I fucking fell in love with you and it was the worst thing that ever happened to me.

Gone Home

And that was the worst thing ever written about me. It still makes me cry to read it to this very day. After all there's no distance on a girl like me. Sometimes it doesn't pay to go looking for yourself on the internet and it can be a very bad idea indeed to fuck poets and writers.

One Liners

Love: what a terrible thing to do to another person.

If I had access to C4 there'd be a lot fewer people in the world and a lot more craters in the ground.

Never trust something that bleeds once a month and doesn't die.

The name of my cavalcade of she-vixens: the Cunning Lesbian Interracial Terrorists aka C.L.I.T.

Never write while drunk... it only leads to troubled letters.

'Go Fuck Yourself' is inscribed at the top of my stationary.

Fuck this... I'm going to bed.

Skin

I just want to spend all my time writing about your skin almost as much as I just want to spend all my time touching it.

Bad Art

I know I'm stupid but I'm waiting for you. I don't want the walls or the distance; the two feet you kept between us the whole time. I'm not sure what you are afraid I'm going to do to you but after this same thing happens over and over again with so many different people you kinda start feeling there's something wrong with you. I may have been frustrated and I may have been cruel but that doesn't stop what I feel about you.

Sometimes I am the perfect monster and all I want is blood and pain and weapons. Sometimes I am the perfect source of love in the center of a very bright world with skin like milk and breath like honey. Sometimes I am a terrible writer just trying to get a few ideas out before ennui takes me over again.

Yes it's love and I'm stupid to feel it. You don't want me and that's the way it is. I'm happier in my isolation anyways. Happy without human connection or the buzzing of a million brains around me filling up my skull with emotions that aren't my own. I have never felt someone's moods shift as fast as yours do. I've never felt someone more conflicted about me or felt the wash of disdain at my touch fill me up like poison on a beautiful sunny day.

Every moment I touched you and you didn't shy away felt small and precious. I wrote poems about it. I perpetuated all the bad art I could. But you don't know me. You've never even tried too. You've never tried to understand. Never even asked the story of where I came from. Never asked how I got like this. Never asked how I felt. You know only your own imaged fear at what you think I am. You only think of how I affect your life and not the other way around. I've been a whore to better men than you (and also worse). I know what they did to me when I was young. I know what hands shaped me. I remember those hills. I heard those ghosts. I know what I found in that ground. I know what I am afraid of. I know. I know what I am capable of.

I'm just waiting for the day when I don't have to feel this way.

The Jewel is the Anger

And that was when I let my anger take me over. It was perfect. It was bright. And it was shining. It was the moment when everything made sense. The only moment when it ever would. I knew then that my love was this divine furious living thing and if he couldn't take the pain or the heat that came off my skin then he never would. He would never feel the conviction of the moment. The truth that no one could love him as completely and with as much blind devotion as I could. He would only know the flaw and run forever until time and distance split him in half.

I had all the pieces. They were glued together all crooked but they were all there. They didn't always work but they could if I shook the wires and taped the insides and tapped the glass. It would work if I tried hard enough. He was only into easy ways and distinct creations of false regret. He seemed to live a life so full of guilt and dissatisfaction that it drowned him nightly as he waved his fingers above the tide and then slipped back under happier in drowning than in being rescued. I only love the doomed.

We came together and then we came apart at the seams. It was cruel and it was all too easy. Sometimes, just sometimes, I am a very stupid girl.

Run

If I can outrun the Devil, I can outrun you.