Doubt

I wish I knew if any of your thoughts were meant for me.

That Moment

I think I am finding myself a little enamored with you both and I like the idea that there are lips out there somewhere with my name lingering on them.

I Came Here For Your Death

I want your ethereal heart and I am willing to dig into your chest to get it. I want to devour it and all its gossamer light. I want to drain the blood and feel the meat between my teeth. I want the wound to never close up so you can feel me in your skin forever. So you can feel nothing but me. Feel only the hardness scarring up your world full of visions of me rising above you. I want to be your wounding. Your ugliness. Your eternal vengeance caught in the throats of the guilty.

I am the demon behind your eyes and the killer between your sheets.

And I want all of you for myself.

Write Me

I want you to write a story about me. I want to find myself in your text as I dig between the sentences. I want to know your interpretation of my flesh, my eyes and the words falling out of my mouth around your ankles. I want to be a main character in your demonic chapters and find my dialogue dripping with innuendo; filled to the brim with sharp bones. I want to be your hero and your villain. I want to be your twisting plot and fuck up your narrative structure. I want my distorted image on your dust jacket. I want my name on every page. My fingerprints in your ink. I want your hands to shake when you write it all down.

I want to be The Word and to fill your head with me all day...

A Game of Names

You tell me that you want to be my lover, as slippery as you are, and expect that I don't know the sound of dripping flesh. I've been here before. More times than I care to count. I have seen you in my dreams and felt the unhealthy gasping jolt me awake. I have seen you change colour. I still have your name stored in the back of my mouth just in case I need it again.

Your fingerprints are still in my pillows. You've crumpled my sheets with your jittery hands. I would cradle your wet eyes but it is not me in your text. Not me in your sweetest fragrant fantasies. And certainly not me dancing behind your motivations when your hands go wandering for skin.

I have no distance on me. I am a crippled expanse of unused emotions. A girl full of good intentions and sharp knives. A girl like that will only lead to trouble. A girl like that only has one use. A girl like that is only good for one thing. A girl like that is like a snake under your skin. A girl like that wants too much. A girl like that might just kill you in your sleep.

With my heavy blood-slicked thighs, I will kneel before the moon and whisper your name to the moths. Whisper little bits of your secrets that your never even realized you told me. The night and I will go out dancing stirring up the road dust with our feet and darting down the alley with the feral cats. In and out of yards and garbage cans whispering your name; calling your game to us. Calling you. Calling you. Look out your window. I'm there right now.

He Has No Arms and I Have No Heart

I woke up and you were saying goodbye...

Goodbye... goodbye... goodbye...

And I like you so much better when you are very, very quiet. It's not me you are thinking of, is it? Am I something that moved quickly through the corner of your mind? Something momentary? Just a shift in the tectonics of love... Shifting and trembling up the side of your neck. A trail of saliva leading back to the other land. That other home in your eyes; I see the trick of this word. Of your words all want and I suffer.

Riverman, eyes all water. Dark under filmy half-light in captured beams from shoreline to rocky shoreline. Wrecked against the walls and I can not feel my hands. No one wins. There is no redemption. The bad guys always prevail. There are no heroes. God wrecked us all long ago on this rock; this ball of hate and death and sacrifice.

Tell me lies. Tell me you love me. Tell me lies. I'm falling and no one sees me wrapped in black silk tumbling down awash in bird's feathers and innocence. I was trying to fuck my way to forgiveness and only ended up breaking myself on the glass in your eyes. Everything is so void. There is no magic in this empty place. No righteousness. No longing. I crawl into my mind where everything can be perfect for just a moment. Just for one diamond moment.

Then I wake up and find, with disappointment, that I still seem to be breathing...

The Burden

The Burden is in me; dancing under my skin with the white whales of thought and love. I have seen it and I have made it crawl to me as a dog. You are my dog; white dog. Hill to hill, screaming I ran. Panicked. Pursued. Hounded by your hands.

I never liked you anyway. I never liked you anyway. I never ever ever ever... Never...

Fluttering hands. Stand on my hands, my evil throated man. My soft throated call; wiggle to God. Shuffle to the Devil. He sees me with iced over eyes, frozen here with his own hate. I have owned that hate. I took it up in my mouth. I rolled it around my tongue, swished it between my teeth. It tasted of blueberries and ash. Reminded me of my homeland where the trees bent at my passing. The grass forming knots as I would go.

I never ever ever... never liked you anyway.... I never ever... Ever Never...

I am standing in the creek. Snow is falling all around me. Cedars whisper my name. Coyote runs and yips. Jumps in the snow for mice. I jump. I send the water up into the air. It falls upon me in frozen droplets and settles there. Ice maiden mad with the cold. Ice maiden a frigid soul. I walk on to colder pastures and ripple in the all.

I never... I should have never ever... I am ever and never... I never like you anyway...

There is a gate. There is a great wall. A wall that surrounds this city. A city wall. Built when mad Arabs crossed the land; Arab warriors driving Christians out. Christians who had taken the holy land; blood running ankle deep in the streets. Christians in their shining armor; shining righteousness. Blinding in the desert sun-- ancient desert god uninterested in this little war. Little war where I set down and wept at the Pharaoh's temple; watched the cats take the souls of the dead.

I never... I was never.... I never... I was there...

He called my name. It made me shudder; and stutter, and try to say something important. He, who was unguarded, now had dogs at his feet. He wanted me to bend over and do as he said. He wanted to force himself into my mouth. I resisted the urge to bite down. I resisted the urge to plunge something into his chest. If I opened a hole in him, he could feel what it was like to be penetrated... He could feel what it was like to be a woman. I could force the birth of his organs and through pain he could know what it was to be us... He called my name; Burden, and I turned away.

And I never... I never liked him anyway... and I never... and I was here... I saw it all... I never did any thing to stop it... ever...