Red, Red Fire

There is no truth, no greater purpose, no undying love, no deeper meaning, no good guys who always win, no beauty, no hope, no light that touches all and warms the heart.

There is only hate and pain and an unrelenting urge to burn the whole fucking world down if I only had the chance.

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Do No Soften.
Always Remain Hard.

Hard to understand. Hard to take. Hard to love. Hard to accept. Hard to hold. Hard to forget. Hard to embrace. Hard to keep up with. Hard to hurt. Hard to feel. Hardened emotions. Hardened heart. Hard head. Harder than before. Harder than ever. Harder than every voice that ever told you otherwise. Harder than the easiness with which you can be wasted. Harder than yourself.

Just Be Hard.
And forget softeness ever existed. 

You Are Not Hard Enough

Did you consider that I might be the hard one? That my muscles slid under my skin with the strength to save you? Did you see the fire burning in my eyes? The blood already on my hands? Did you assume that you were the one when I was already standing in the middle of that Hell cutting a deadly path towards you?

I am the rider. Hell follows me, not you. I descend on enemies like a plague. Vile in my own right. I lead armies over black hills like swarms of filthy insects. I lift the skin off of heroes. I slit the throats of lovers and sink into the bloody ground grateful for the mud and mortality.

I am the hard one. You are soft. Your soul lingers to closely to your heart. You cry at the pain. You cringe at the blood. All the while I devour those hearts with fanged teeth and all light dies within me. I am the black whole. The destroyer of worlds. The dead of night. The cold finger on your cheek. The reason you are hiding right now.

I may have obscured all that from you. Attempted a semblance of humanity. But all the while I was just burying my true nature in soft femininity. I lied. I am the killer you feared. The nightmare that nipped at your heals. I tried to be nice. I tried to be soft. But I hated every minute and my thoughts always lingered on a vision of all those sweetest Hells creeping up onto the Earth and my hands itched.

Do not doubt what lies behind these eyes. Do not doubt that I would gouge yours out in single sigh. I am the Heart Eater. The Destructor's Kiss. Kali in a Pretty Dress. The Hater and The Hated. They never saw me coming and the world shuddered as it held its breath.

I am hard. And I never lose.

Too Dark Heart

Don't smile at me with your too white teeth. I know you are absconding with my best friend on a chilly Saturday night and filling him full of drugs so he'll see you all rose coloured. I know your thieving ways. I've experienced them first hand when you stole my heart and failed to return it. I know you've let it rot under your bed next to the big bag of mescaline you've forgotten all about. Just so much trash now.

Don't fucking spread that too wide grin in my direction. I've seen it before and felt the ice in your touch. No heat I radiated was going to melt that snowball heart of yours. You froze me through the summer and nearly killed me in the winter. You are much too handsome to be trusted.

There is wire missing in your fucked up head. The one that links love to emotion to somebody else. You dwell in yourself and try to rip yourself apart rather than accept the love that surrounds you. You are leaving me out in the cold. Leaving me unhappy but numb. I'm starting to go the way of rejection to the outside world. Why leave here when out there I can feel them thinking and hear them breathing and feel their distaste for me? I want to rip those stupid smiles off. Everyone of them. I want to rip out those frozen hearts and show them the reasons.

I see you there; smiling. I see you. Drug happy and nearly stupid with selfishness. I have my anger to keep me warm; to keep me company on these long nights. It whispers in the sweetest homicidal voice you ever heard and sings me to sleep. It cradles me in burning arms. Wraps me in immeasurable fondness. I call myself Monster and with crooked stained teeth rip my dreams of you to shreds.

Queen of Wrong

I am wrong. I live upon a mountain of wrongness. Exist clinging to cliffs of wrongness. In a state of constant wrong. I am buried in wrong.

I was born wrong to the wrong sorts of people on the wrong side of the tracks. I talk wrong. I dress wrong. I walk wrong. I think wrong. I lust wrong and I hate wrong. I am wrong in the eyes of lovers and enemies. I taste all wrong. I do only wrong. I read the wrong books. I walk the wrong path. I worry wrong. I suffer wrongly. I come from the wrong town. I do the wrong things. I take the wrong corners and I cling to wrongness in your eyes. I am never right.

I am in a kingdom of wrongness. I am a Queen of wrong. I impale my self on my own spikes of wrongness on tall walls built of the wrong bricks. My eyes are wrong. My skin is wrong. I have the wrong bones in the wrong body. I am screaming wrong at the top of my lungs and slip from those wrong spires. I am wrong in the face of the wrong gods and I love only in wrongness.

And when its all over I will close my eyes the wrong way and cry the wrong tears.