When I saw her striding down the
street all thought left me with a whoosh like a vacuum out of my head. Her red hair flowed down her back so far that it brushed her tail bone. The nosy neighbors poked their heads over their fences and whispered
in conspiratorial voices. "Who is that now? That tall,
swaggering, crazy looking chick? Who is that? What is she doing
there? I don't think she's wearing a bra! And red stilettos?
Who the hell does she think she is?"
When she opened the gate to the yard a flock of starlings,
hopping about the lawn searching for insects, suddenly set to air. They flew up into a wall of black announcing her presence
with a unified startled call echoing through the neighborhood.
As she reached the bottom of my garden steps, I started to wonder what I had done to bring her
here. Was I silently praying for her in my dreams? Was my subconscious
wishing for her? Or was this a curse?
She bat her eyelashes at me and pursed her lips nervously.
"Aren't you happy to see me?"
"It's been along time. And the last time..." I trailed off.
"The
last time..." she smoothed her fingers over her heart, "We both
suffered last time."
She tugged at the buttons on her shirt and suddenly
I was in the past, racing through a field running after her down a dusty
path. The police were close behind, shouting words I couldn't make out
but was pretty sure were profanities. She ran like a deer; gracefully,
quickly, head long through the tall grass. I was close behind, my lungs
burning, my legs aching.
"Stop! You crazy bitches! Stop!" yelled a red faced cop, his partner huffing behind him.
"Fuck
that pig!" she screamed back over her shoulder. She still had one of
the rocks she had thrown through their windshield in her hand. She
was laughing wildly like a good-time girl on a crazy caper; I was
afraid we were going to die at the hands of two big, angry,
sure-to-be-rape-happy cops. I waited for a bullet to tear through my
back. She turned her beautiful crazy eyes on me, "Come on!" she
laughed reaching for my hand and pulling me down a steep embankment. I
looked back long enough to see one of the cops falling head over heels
down the hill as we cleared the train tracks and dove into the tunnel
beyond.
She pulled me into a decaying building on the other side of the train yard.
"We can hide in here. They won't find us. They're too stupid."
"You're
fucking nuts! You know that, right?" I said between gasps trying to
catch my breath; my lungs still burning like they had hot coals dropped
down them. My legs were shaking; I thought about how nice it would be
to collapse right there. I didn't though, for fear of looking like a
pussy in front of her. I wanted to be tough for her. To be crazy like her; an Amazon in a leather jacket with fiery red hair fearlessly screaming "Pig!" into a
200 pound cop's face. I wanted to let go, just let go of my stupid
little safe life and embrace some recklessness. Embrace her.
"Serves
them right. Calling us dykes like that. I shoulda done worse." She
turned that fearless stare on me and I couldn't help but admire her
unthoughtful bravery; and I couldn't help notice her unbound breasts
heaving under her thin white t-shirt. Each breathe causing them to
rise and fall; quivering to be touched. I
clenched my fists at my side and looked down. Suddenly her hand was on
my chin raising my eyes to meet hers. Every inch of me filled with
longing; my body ached with it, the core of me burned with it. She must
have seen it in my eyes.
She met my lips with a soft kiss
wrapping her arms around me, playing her fingers along my back.
Suddenly my hands were under her shirt, sliding over her nipples soon
replaced with my mouth. I gasped out loud when her fingers slipped
below the belt of my jeans. Time hiccuped and we were on the floor
tearing at each others clothing. Slipping
hands along skin, lapping at each other like hungry dogs, fighting for
breath. Her skin shone in the dusty sunlight through the dirty window
as she held my glistening face in her hands and gently mouthed, "I love
you."
I snapped back to the present. There she was at the base
of my garden steps. Her long hair shifting in the breeze, her breasts
pressing against her shirt (still not wearing a bra after all these
years), her eyes still full of that crazy glinting energy. I stood in
the doorway of the safe little life I had built for myself since she left.
The hole in my heart carefully covered over now. If I were
step away from the door my safety would be gone. My life fractured. I clenched my fists at my side. She chewed on the inside of her
cheek and for the first time since I met her I could see a nervousness
under her smile.
"Aren't you happy to see me?" she said looking down at her feet.
Suddenly
I was down the stairs in a blind rush, taking her all in my arms. I pressed my
mouth against hers. We both gasped for breath; all the memories of her skin
rushed back to me at once. Her body slid up against mine, neither of us wanted to break the connection. I pulled back and took her face in my hands.
"I've never been happier to see anyone in my entire life."
