Flap Your Arms

I am afraid to walk straight lest I fall into your arms. Every line I draw seems to lead to my feelings for you. I watch you put your hand on the small of her back; I shake my head trying to rid my eyes of the image. I hiss through my teeth and turn my eyes upwards. Crows blacken out the sky calling in time with the crying voice inside of me. My vision darkens filling up with black feathers; I feel feathers sprouting on my back, on the inside of my arms, along the crown of my head. I flap my arms and fly guiltily away.

I romance the words. Make them do my bidding. I call down your name and wrap it in every dark utterance I have. My mouth rambles around lost incantations as I force my lips to forget your touch. I kept your hair. I weaved it into my own. Some small piece of you to carry with me forever. I fall with no one there to catch me so I tumble through darkened space until I hit the ground. Falling is not so bad; it's only the landing that hurts so much. Maybe I should flap harder...

My body thrives in the night but my mind wanders lighting upon my often erroneous love. I am never right. I exist in wrongness. I dress my limbs in it like a bright robe of off-colours. I am vampiric in my wants suffering for a nothingness that fills up my chest. I raise my arms in front of my face as feathers glide against one and another. Feathers slide down my throat to give this darkness in me flight. I vomit it up with my undiluted love; I choke on feathers. My want flies free and I feel nothing... and everything.

I flap my arms and fly furiously on...