Latent

I cradled each of you in my arms over the many years between here and then. You with tears in your eyes, you with the memory of her still on your lips and you shivering from the fire of long lost explosions. I loved each of you in my own way and for a moment removed myself from the entrapped maze of my own mind to coo my understanding in your ears. To stroke your hair back while tracing my fingers down your cheeks. I loved each of you and forgot myself.

I never meant for each of you to hate me so completely. I thought I was doing the right thing when I walked away and tried to stop thinking of you. I just could not extract you fully from my mind. You all were buried so completely with your claws deep in my cerebrum. I convulsed under your memories and cast myself under the false walls of my little cell.

Now I have decided it is probably better to turn my back on the world. To refuse the stroke of a lover's fingers and hate my need for human involvement. Maybe I should be blind with my own fingers in my eyes carefully caressing the inside of my skull until I can think without remorse and love what I have become. I fear nothing and never leave.