Talking Through the Hole in Your Chest

When I saw myself as an instrument of vengeance, I did not see myself a slick, shining smooth god flying somewhere near the sun. I didn't see myself with perfect skin and a sly smile as I was sticking knives into deserving chests.  No black trench coat. No secret sex language. I wasn't golden at all. I saw something else. I knew what I could become.

I saw myself more like Kali with her grotesque lips peeled back in a grimacing smile to reveal a hundred teeth and a lulling tongue; her cunt the black gateway to the end of the world. She knew what it meant to sever heads and drink blood. I saw myself with great black demonic wings and the sharpest teeth you ever saw. A head full of shark teeth. Claws an inch long dripping in rotten flesh. The Great Devourer. Perfect only in destruction and her ability to mete it out. A heart ripper; straight out of the chest. A heart eater, blood dripping down my chin. Shreds of meat still stuck in my teeth. Eyes glowing piss yellow looking to eat all your bad, bad deeds. 

And I might set you aflame. I like how immolation tastes on my tongue. I like shallow graves and flames reaching the sky. You know she calls for it. Her great sword lifted high over her head; she screams your name with every girl you rape and every life you take. Have you met my sisters? Furies each and every one of them. Those are snakes in their hands. The stories said Athena tamed them, but the truth... The truth was they tore right through her. Left the bitch bleeding in her own temple and hounded Orestes until he ripped his own eyes out of his head.  They drank the fluid in his brain and snapped his bones open to suck the marrow straight out. You can't stop the anger of the dead.

I am the grotesque. The perfect rotting center of the world. With a thousand eyes turned in all directions in all time I felt every wrong. Every death. Every crying mass curled on the floor. Every shuttering breath as a heart stopped in the hands of the wrong person. And I came for them all. Black lips, shark teeth, hatred turning my skin languid. I came with knives. And I came with swords. I came with a shot to the back of the head.

I ripped them apart. I ate the parts I wanted and spat the rest back out. I sucked the juice from their eyes. I broke their spines and let them live without limbs. I slit stomachs open and read the entrails like star maps. I felt skulls crush under my fingers. I snapped vertebrae like brittle candy. I howled. I screeched. I hounded. I raced through the back roads of the worlds. I chased and I hunted and I ate my fill. I killed with fear. I killed with teeth.  I killed with a smile. I killed until the world was clean and still it was never enough.

That's when I decided to burn the whole fucking thing down. May some god with more mercy and patience than I save you all.

The Bomb

I want to form my heart into a weapon of mass destruction. I want to kiss you until I incinerate you. Immolate you; set a fire so fucking big you can see it from space. I got a heart of broken glass and fiery hate and divine love. I keep dynamite stuffed in my bra and accelerant tucked in the band of my underwear. I can rig your sex toys to explode. I may have already set fire to your sheets while you were in the bathroom. I unhooked all the fire alarms and disabled the sprinkler system. I have molotov cocktails brewing in the shower and I filled the refrigerator with C4. Don't jiggle the handle or you will set if off. Let's fire bomb our enemies. Let's burn up the neighborhood. I'm your pipe bomb, bombshell. I've got the detonator and the urge to use it. Ain't nobody surviving my love. I'm the heart demolisher and I'm gonna bomb you back to the stone age, fucker.

Blame

If I told you that I loved you, would you hold it against me?

I Called You Spider Heart

You can't seem to help but tease me not realizing what I went through as a child and just how much I hate to be teased. You laugh and fall into my arms kissing me as hard as you can. Middle of the night adventures and sly looks from the doorman. I've got swagger and a pair of stilettos in my bag. I can wiggle my butt with the best of them. Late night call girls and junkie eyes saw me pass with a big smile on my face as I rushed down the stairs and straight into a waiting taxi. Your voice on the other side of the city distant in the dark, crouching, waiting to swallow me.

I checked that my tits looked perfect in the elevator mirror. I wore my tightest pants. All hips, and ass and scented desire. Quiet knocks, silly jokes, giggling and louder obnoxious hotel sex for hallway ears to hear. I feel like a goddess in your careful worship. Perfect for a little while. Wanted. Needed. Undone. I am undone. Four AM phone calls still buzzing in my ear, I watch the dawn close in on us, skin naked and slick against the unwanted light. A few hours of precious 'just letting it go.' All spent. Every condom in the room used. Every breathe in my body exhausted. A war zone of pillows and sheets spread about the bed. I lay against you and listen to the fear rush back into your heart. Soon enough I'm dreaming as you toss and turn next to me.

I called you Little Spider Heart, skittering away as fast as can be. Finding some dusty corner to hide in. Jumping out to frighten me in the middle of the night.  I can see your misery. They once called me the Ice Maiden, too numb to have felt any of this. They don't call me anything now. He said 'there's nothing wrong with you girl. There's lots right.' But most days I don't feel that. Most days... yes, most days... I don't feel.

I know you need a destroyer trying to take you down with her. Little Kali and her little needles. Sweetest little strawberry blonde candy, all wrapped up in broken hurt and dangerous situations. It's a wicked thing to do. This little heart. This little candy heart. Spiders lick candy clean in glistening webs just over my head. I go quietly into the wet morning, trains rumbling in my bones, knowing I won't see you again. At least not this time. There's always next time. Next time. Next time, little spider heart all the way to the sea where it's never me. Never me. Never, ever me.

Fucker

And I screamed into his face, "WHO HAS THE FUCKING GUN HERE?!!" spitting vodka and warm saliva across his brow. I leveled the sights with his nose.

"Me! I have the fucking gun!" I watched his lip quiver a little. Even with a gun shoved under his nose he still managed to sneak a quick peak at my cleavage. I considered emptying the entire clip into his left eye socket. Fucker.

"Please baby. I didn't mean it!" he pleaded into the gun barrel. He gave me his most sincere face, that was until his eyes started to drift towards my breasts again. My finger twitched against the trigger.