The hard crust of the bread sinks into my soft gums and bruises. I yelp in pain. You dug your fingers into the too-white skin on the inside of my thigh and bruises blossomed there like purple and red flowers lining the pathway in the garden. I didn't make a sound. I want to be adored but I can't stand to be around people for too long. Their brains touching up against mine. Thoughts, words, emotions pressing against me. I feel like a butterfly under glass thrashing my wings against a clear prison with freedom only an illusion on the other side.
They once called me 'the girl nobody knows', enigmatic as I can be. Dancing alone night after night. I didn't want to know. I still want to be unknown. I don't want to hear all those thoughts. Feel all those emotions. I want to wrap myself in the careful darkness and never open my eyes again. I am as soft as kittens feet. Absolutely silent in my wants. Some days I lose sight of those ends and those means and I just roll over and go back to sleep.
This one said he loved me under the mask of ear-shattering music hoping I wouldn't hear the confession. That one told me to stop looking at him like that. This one slipped away as we aged and moved on to other lives. This one wept in my arms until he hated me. This one told me he didn't love me anymore. This one came back over and over again like a lost cat. This one never loved me but could never let me go. I don't need you. You are see through.
I tell myself every night tomorrow will be different. But the sun shines through the window in morning; I open my eyes in half wakefulness and nothing's changed.
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